Head hurts too much to think through Penny stuff tonight (darn migraine). Thus I bring you Nooz-Spammage of the Nooz-Spam kind. *pauses briefly to tell the
damn cat to STOP prancing across the fax machine and making the instructions print themselves out of it three times in a row*
Anyway, now the Tormenting Furry of Doom has scarpered and left me in peace...
Remember how you were always warned not to eat the yellow snow? Apparently bits of northern Russia are being covered in stinky stuff. Would this be Russia's appalling industrial record finally coming back to bite it in the arse? Methinks it might be.
It's rainingmen cash!
What do you do if your husband has yet again done something wrong and, frankly, it's the final straw, he's crossed the line and you are SERIOUSLY peeved this time? Sick of ranting? Sick of nagging and tearing your hair out? Sick of him not taking you seriously or just saying 'yes, dear, of course you're right, I'm sorry' and then just turning round and doing the same thing all over again? Well, now we now the answer: take out the front page of a major daily newspaper to publish an 'open letter' to him telling him he's an arse and had better start grovelling pronto. I think I like Mrs Berlusconi (except that she has appalling taste in husbands, obviously).
Overzealous censor decides that every mention of 'God' in "The Queen" should be classified as a profanity and bleeped out. O_o Um, okay then. ... No, I am not kidding you. When did I ever lie to you on this thing?
When eagles ATTACK! 'Terrifying' does not even cover it, I don't think.
When ducks WON'T DIE! See I was going to post the 'duck survives being shot twice AND being stuffed in a freezer for two days' story and then it survived all over again. Twice, in fact. 'Tis clearly a fiendish mutant ZOMBIE-DUCK of DOOM! :P
One for![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
ramblin_rosie (who first told me about this story and it's only just now turned up on
the BBC): lunatic to swim the Amazon and brave all sorts of man-eating beasties including
sharks, piranas and anacondas. Last night on the 'tommorrow's papers' section on the late night BBC News 24, they were quoting an article in
the paper that also mentioned that he braves some kind of worm that enters via the penis. O_o His response when reminded of this? 'Oh, it's okay, I
never pee directly into the water. I pee straight into my wetsuit.' O_O TMI! LOONIE ALERT! PEE-STAINED LOONIE SMELLING OF WEE AND BEING EATEN BY
PIRANAS! *has to go and have a lie-down to recover from the sheer idiocy and insanity of it all*
We have two contenders for the Idiot Criminal Award this week. First up is the burgular who got stuck in the air-conditioning unit and had to be rescued by police. Second is the man who was late returning to jail from a weekend release so he, rather intelligently, stole a car to try and make it back in time.
See Boz's Inner Archeologist go SQUEE! *dances* This is so awesome!
What do you do when the march of modern commericalism and fashion means that your ancient craft of traditional Polish lace-making is not nearly so sought after as it once was? After all, who still uses lace table-cloths or little doilies on the backs of armchairs these days? Why, the solution is the start making lace g-strings, of course!
O_O Just... NO. For all sorts of reasons. Though mainly because of the huge amount of wobbling involved. Not pretty. At all. In fact just the very thought... I need bleach for my brain.
The Weekly 'Aw' Award is this week shared by two unlikely motherings: a Rottweiler bitch has kindly agreed to adopt two new-born lambs, and a few days ago a dog who had just had pups didn't notice the difference when two tiger cubs were added to the bunch. Everyone together now: awwwww! ;D
North Korea says there is no food shortage, famine or starvation inside its borders. Hmm. So why the interest in Giant Bunnies of Doom in that case?
Stupid is as stupid does. A message to all eagles [What? You never know, they might be reading this... Oh, shush. :P] : if it's bigger than you, don't try carrying it. I don't care how hungry you are. If you have eyes bigger than your stomach, it's just asking for trouble, just like mother always said.
Any men on my flist might want to read this one through their fingers: a week-long erection means an amputation is in order. Rest reassured it's only an iguana, not a person. No, really! Here - you can see it: *produces video evidence to prove it*
A book to drive you insane. Ai, the horror!
Alas, I forgot to type out Alan Coren's news story clipping that he read at the end of last week's News Quiz and of course it's gone now from the online 'Listen Again' site. It was about an S&M club that police are unable to close down since it had managed to get itself a licence as a physiotherapy clinic. *snerk* Even funnier was the quote from the police spokesman to the newspaper: "We'd close to close them down, but our hands are tied." [sic] *LOL* Anyway, that's one thing, but for a psychologist to claim that making his client don a dog-collar and call him "master" is perfectly within every pyschologist's "ethical guidelines" as a cure for bulimia is... erm... well, words fail me at this point, to be honest. o_0
Anyway, now the Tormenting Furry of Doom has scarpered and left me in peace...
Remember how you were always warned not to eat the yellow snow? Apparently bits of northern Russia are being covered in stinky stuff. Would this be Russia's appalling industrial record finally coming back to bite it in the arse? Methinks it might be.
It's raining
What do you do if your husband has yet again done something wrong and, frankly, it's the final straw, he's crossed the line and you are SERIOUSLY peeved this time? Sick of ranting? Sick of nagging and tearing your hair out? Sick of him not taking you seriously or just saying 'yes, dear, of course you're right, I'm sorry' and then just turning round and doing the same thing all over again? Well, now we now the answer: take out the front page of a major daily newspaper to publish an 'open letter' to him telling him he's an arse and had better start grovelling pronto. I think I like Mrs Berlusconi (except that she has appalling taste in husbands, obviously).
Overzealous censor decides that every mention of 'God' in "The Queen" should be classified as a profanity and bleeped out. O_o Um, okay then. ... No, I am not kidding you. When did I ever lie to you on this thing?
When eagles ATTACK! 'Terrifying' does not even cover it, I don't think.
When ducks WON'T DIE! See I was going to post the 'duck survives being shot twice AND being stuffed in a freezer for two days' story and then it survived all over again. Twice, in fact. 'Tis clearly a fiendish mutant ZOMBIE-DUCK of DOOM! :P
One for
ramblin_rosie (who first told me about this story and it's only just now turned up on
the BBC): lunatic to swim the Amazon and brave all sorts of man-eating beasties including
sharks, piranas and anacondas. Last night on the 'tommorrow's papers' section on the late night BBC News 24, they were quoting an article in
the paper that also mentioned that he braves some kind of worm that enters via the penis. O_o His response when reminded of this? 'Oh, it's okay, I
never pee directly into the water. I pee straight into my wetsuit.' O_O TMI! LOONIE ALERT! PEE-STAINED LOONIE SMELLING OF WEE AND BEING EATEN BY
PIRANAS! *has to go and have a lie-down to recover from the sheer idiocy and insanity of it all*
We have two contenders for the Idiot Criminal Award this week. First up is the burgular who got stuck in the air-conditioning unit and had to be rescued by police. Second is the man who was late returning to jail from a weekend release so he, rather intelligently, stole a car to try and make it back in time.
See Boz's Inner Archeologist go SQUEE! *dances* This is so awesome!
What do you do when the march of modern commericalism and fashion means that your ancient craft of traditional Polish lace-making is not nearly so sought after as it once was? After all, who still uses lace table-cloths or little doilies on the backs of armchairs these days? Why, the solution is the start making lace g-strings, of course!
O_O Just... NO. For all sorts of reasons. Though mainly because of the huge amount of wobbling involved. Not pretty. At all. In fact just the very thought... I need bleach for my brain.
The Weekly 'Aw' Award is this week shared by two unlikely motherings: a Rottweiler bitch has kindly agreed to adopt two new-born lambs, and a few days ago a dog who had just had pups didn't notice the difference when two tiger cubs were added to the bunch. Everyone together now: awwwww! ;D
North Korea says there is no food shortage, famine or starvation inside its borders. Hmm. So why the interest in Giant Bunnies of Doom in that case?
Stupid is as stupid does. A message to all eagles [What? You never know, they might be reading this... Oh, shush. :P] : if it's bigger than you, don't try carrying it. I don't care how hungry you are. If you have eyes bigger than your stomach, it's just asking for trouble, just like mother always said.
Any men on my flist might want to read this one through their fingers: a week-long erection means an amputation is in order. Rest reassured it's only an iguana, not a person. No, really! Here - you can see it: *produces video evidence to prove it*
A book to drive you insane. Ai, the horror!
Alas, I forgot to type out Alan Coren's news story clipping that he read at the end of last week's News Quiz and of course it's gone now from the online 'Listen Again' site. It was about an S&M club that police are unable to close down since it had managed to get itself a licence as a physiotherapy clinic. *snerk* Even funnier was the quote from the police spokesman to the newspaper: "We'd close to close them down, but our hands are tied." [sic] *LOL* Anyway, that's one thing, but for a psychologist to claim that making his client don a dog-collar and call him "master" is perfectly within every pyschologist's "ethical guidelines" as a cure for bulimia is... erm... well, words fail me at this point, to be honest. o_0
